More Hurtful Words

If I did believe there’s previous life before this life, I did believe that I used to be a bad person or I used to hurt so many people. Or, these are the fruits of all bad things I did in the past. I may just get my own karma.

About passing the quarter life

As an Indonesian, I’m not supposed to take any life partner or marriage related questions personally when I have passed the quarter life years ago. However, I did sometimes.

A month ago, my younger cousin tied the knot and I was happy hearing the news. I was happy for them. Even now, I’m happy for both. I was just upset because of my uncles. When I said that I couldn’t come because my miss-matched work schedule, instead of giving a respon, he asked me a question,

“So, when will we talk about your marriage?”

I fully aware that kind of question would appear in every possible way and every kind of party, no matter how hard you avoid it, no matter how far the distance you make. I didn’t take the question personally. I gave my sweetest smile, so that one uncle wouldn’t feel like continuing the question, but he insisted, and then he added,

“If by the end of 2016, you don’t introduce a man to our big family, I ensure you are NOT going to get married for your whole life (repeats it three times), trust me you won’t (repeats few times), take my words for that, I cut my ear and neck if you are getting married.”

Hearing that, I could feel my eyes teary, there, I was standing alone, and was circled by my uncles, they were laughing, and I was hurt. I looked at that one uncle’s eyes to ensure that he was teasing me, but he’s not. I wanted to throw back more hurtful words to him, so I would not be the only one who was hurt, but I couldn’t. I figured out how bad our relationship would be and how hard the position of my dad, my sisters, and my brothers in our big family would be, if I, the youngest, did something bad to the other family members. So all I could do was holding in my words and my tear.

If I give that moment a thought again, should I find someone in 2017, and hold our marriage? So I can have my uncle’s ears or head framed somewhere? *I think I become a psycho*.

2-sad-behind-a-smile

picture

 That one man I used to trust

I put this story at the end because I think this is the most hurtful so far. There’s a man that I used to trust.

One night, he told me about how well his latest relationship went. I was happy hearing it. Finished talking, he asked about my rumored man. I said it was my unrequited love. I thought it would end the love related topic. But I was wrong. It generated something bad from that one person. He started giving his bad appraisal about me. Feel like reading the hurtful words? I’ll write it below anyway.

That man: “I know how that man feeling.”

Y              : “Ah really?”

TM          : “Your actions when in love are kind of disgusting.”

Y              :”Ah, really?”

TM         : You don’t change even a bit. How long it has been since you graduated. All I see that you stuck at this point, in all aspect of life. You are stuck when your best friends’ are skyrocketing. The way you think, the way you talk, the way you love. None of it is changing. You are stuck, both carrier and love life. Let’s compare your carrier to your best friends’.”

He then mentioned my best friends’ achievements one by one.

TM          :”See your love life. Let’s line up the men you used to like since we were in collage. Tell me if there was one who liked you the way you liked them.”

He mentioned the name one by one. I had no idea what to do and say.

TM          :”If I was one of those men you liked, I’d do the same; avoided you, simply because it was disgusting. So disgusting. Do you think any men would fall in love with you just because you show it? NO. You get it wrong. We are all afraid by those acts. You acted like having no pride.”

He said that as if he was a representative all of the men I used to like.

Y              :”A..a..a..”

I had no idea how to respond it. And what I first expected as a conversation turned out to be my judgment day, which I thought was useless. He continued assessing me for more than an hour, mentioning those names one by one, pointing out where my mistakes were, and sometimes pointing his forefinger to my face. His voice was getting louder as he got emotional. That night was one of bad moments in my life. I wasn’t sorry for the long queue of men’s names that I used to like. I was sorry for him to be those hateful toward my feelings. I thought our friendship was too great to face moment like that. I was sincere when I liked someone. I was happy for both good and bad times we shared. I didn’t understand his way of thinking anymore. Moreover, I was disappointed because he brought back things from the past.

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15 thoughts on “More Hurtful Words

  1. For your uncle, I am sorry to hear that he is such a je*k by saying those words… I hope it doesn’t affect you too much.. just ignore that words full of toxic and go on with your life… prove that even when you are single, you are a perfect woman… For the man you used to trust, well I can say that he is judgmental and rude.. A man should watch his words when talking to a woman.. Cheer up.. Don’t make this ruin your day.. *hug

    1. Yes, that uncle. I think he cares about me to much. however, I still wonder why he did that while my core family have never asked this topic.
      Thank you Dine, you words soothe me. ❤ 🙂

  2. Hullo again, I realised I read both of your update at the same time. I bet you are feeling really down at the moment. This too shall pass.
    Re: Your uncle, with family like that, I would always play an emotional blackmail or be really annoying to them.
    Re: Guy you used to trust. Thank goodness you found out about his foul personality now, otherwise you’d have to listen to his drivel all the time. Lots of Hugs. Gambatte!

    1. Hi Ndien,
      Things like this often happens to me. Now, I realize that I’ve been bullied by people around me this whole time, or I take it as they bully me. I let people make a fun of me because I think why not? they are happy though. But sometimes they go overboard. When I let them know that they go overboard, usually they avoid me later. It’s just awkward when we usually have conversation, and suddenly we don’t talk to each other. Especially when we share few things to handle.
      However, it’s different with really close friends and core family, since we already know each other inside and out, we often throw harsh word one to another (you know the harsh word from people you really know won’t slightly hurt you).
      Yes, I just found out another side of that guy that night. It’s saddening.
      Thank you Ndiene. Hugssss.

  3. Berhubung saya sempat berada di situasi yang sama tapi bukan saya yang ngalamin, bolehlah buat dikomentarin, Ceritanya pas kumpul keluarga besar gitu, om-om dan tante-tante (yang bahkan ketemu cuman setaun 1-2 kali) sering kepo nanyain “kapan nikah?” ke sepupu-sepupu saya. Menariknya sepupu saya yang cewek yang berumur 25 ditanyain “kapan nikah? calonnya mana?” tapi sepupu saya yang udah nyaris kepala 3 dan belum nikah nggak ditanyain gitu. Saya liat sebagian besar masyarakat di negeri kita ini masih seksis, bias gender. Kalo cewek aja, dianggap perawan tua blablabla sementara cowok nggak ada yang dikepoin sebegitunya walaupun udah terlampau umurnya. Menariknya pula, keluarga inti justru nggak begitu kepoin/maksa nyuruh buru-buru nikah, tapi keluarga besar (yang sekali lagi, ketemu cuman setaun 1-2 kali) malah nanyanya begitu mulu, tiap kumpul taunan pasti sama aja nanyanya. Jadi kesimpulan saya, yang mereka omongin cuman sekedar basa-basi yang teramat basi karena nggak ada yang bisa diobrolin lagi. Beruntung saya belum ngalamin hal kayak sepupu-sepupu saya gitu (still early 20’s coy, bisa ngamuk gue kalo ditanyain gitu mulu, hahaha). But I put my sympathy for you, anggap omongan mereka sekedar angin lalu saja (yeah I know it’s hard tapi ya mau gimana lagi). Lots of hugsss. 🙂

    1. Iyah yah, bukan gw aja yang ngalamin ini. Bener banget, keluarga inti biasanya santai karena emang mereka yang ngerti kita banget. 🙂
      Iyah, kadang basa-basi cumaaaaa. Ah, sudahlah yah. DI terima saja kondisi ini.
      Ah, makasih, jadi hangat 🙂 🙂

  4. OMG !!! how could your uncles do that to their niece ?!?!? gosh !!! that’s not something to laugh about. didn’t they know that ?! they’re lucky to get married first, but that doesn’t mean they can laugh on your condition. don’t they know that every one has their own life path ?! that God has different plan from each of us ?! u know, if I were you, I wouldn’t just keep silent yun’. no matter what, I will speak for myself. so next time if it happens to you again, pls dont just keep silent. speak yun’. so that they know how wrong they are. gosh !!!!

    and that guy, make him into history !! that’s not the way a man speak to a woman. anyway, you know who he is now.

    hope you’re okay there. so sorry you have to experience this horiible thing #bigtighthugs#

    1. Ah, Mba Evy,
      Thank you so much for encouraging me. And your words kind of strengthen me. Hugssss ❤
      I might just leave them because like what I've said, I still had to consider my core family position. However, I'll try next time. Thank you mba. It's a warm hug from you. 🙂

  5. Hemss.. and the question won’t stop… 😦
    Setelah merit jg bakal terus ditanya kapan punya anak.. ? Kapan nambah anak? dst..dst.. smpe kita nikahin anak dan punya cucu kalo perlu sampe punya cicit…
    Siapa sih yang bilang nikah gampang?? *tamparin satu2*
    Emang pacar tinggal mungut di pinggir jalan!!

    But i think your uncle really a rude person.. please don’t mind a person like that.. 😀
    Yang penting keluarga inti ga permasalahin… hehe

    Keep fighting Wanita Indonesia yang kuat.. ^o^/

    1. Indeed Geth! I know it looks like a devil circle. 😐

      Thank you Geth, hugsss!
      Fighting. I think we will meet around September. 🙂 😀 ❤

Feel free to drop your thought...Thank you \^o^/

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