Why do you post in English?
I have received few reactions from my friends (of course not the close ones) who finally made their ways to my Little Orange World, which I predicted would appear when I first decided to write this blog in English. That prediction which also made me reluctant to share my blog anywhere on my social media, especially FB (which now is dominated by hatred, politic, and religion views), until about a year ago when I started writing for a travel’s website in English and my editor didn’t edit anything on my articles (for whatever the reason behind it) and then, one of which was shared on the web’s Twitter. That small gesture of them made me a little bit confidence to start sharing my blog for whatever grammar and structural mistakes I have made.
Speaking of English, I had this inferiority about it. I have more than thousand ‘friends’ on my FB, some of which were born and raised somewhere in the world with English as their first language, while the others got their masters or PhD’s somewhere outside the country with English as their classes’ main language. All of those were enough ‘chickening’ me. What’s more, my English was once got corrected in public by my friend with not the nicest way. I was so ashamed that time, even though the event was more than 10 years ago. The others might forget it, but me. However since that time, I have self-studied English more (I don’t like classes).
You might say I haven’t tried my best or pushed my limit for studying English, which also is confusing me whether I am or not. Please don’t tell me that for some people there is a limit for the brains’ capacity or for understanding something because for more than a decade, I have always brought one thick grammar book that published by Oxford to everywhere I went (excluding while traveling abroad).
Until now, I have studied the book over and over again, when I was so lazy I opened it one time a week, but if I was on fire, 3 or 4 times a week, I ever studied an entire week. Besides that, I have maintained to read any English book once at least after two books in Bahasa Indonesia, to learn how they all wrote nicely.
However, I think I am stuck somewhere at some point. Last year, I took TOEFL ITP twice (they said it was the easiest one) and my scores didn’t go anywhere far from first test to the second one. Even though I (thought) studied really hard in between.
I am going nowhere.
The most recent even was, I wrote for other travel website in English. It finally got published a week after I sent it to my editor. I was delighted seeing my first article was published even though I didn’t get paid for it (I got points). However, when I started reading it, it seemed to me that article wasn’t mine, except few lines and pictures. It got edited here and there. A lot of editing. I was so surprised and confused. However, I didn’t get ashamed anymore. That was one nice way to correct me.
At the end, I have to admit that I still have a pile of English’s homework.
One of my reasons of writing in English is improvement, but I don’t think I do it significantly.
So for anyone who has been following, reading, commenting, or whatever interaction you did on my humble blog for almost 4 years, I want to say this classic and same old apology letter and send my gratitude for bearing with my English, my broken structure, and my grammar mistakes. Thank you and I am opened with any correction and improvement suggestion. 🙂